How to Handle Rejection on Your Own.

Rejection is a topic that many people don’t want to hear, don’t want to talk about, nor do they want to receive in the first place. As it is very common to get rejected, here are a few ways of mine on how to deal with it.

no-68481_1920Photo by Gerd Altman from Pixabay

Rejection is almost a taboo topic as talking about sex in a conservative society. While sex is usually determined by which gender is affected, rejection doesn’t discriminate. It does not matter whether you are young or old, male or female. No one enjoys being rejected anyway. But as long as you’re:

  • Not someone people are looking for, you will be rejected.
  • Not the right match to a given equation, you will be rejected.

Correct me if I’m wrong but there is no way to reject someone nicely, is there? Although, if you have found the solution, congratulations, and please tell me your secret!

However, imagine being told that you’re not the right fit for a role you applied for. The hiring manager can speak in as gentle a manner as they can adopt, but there is still a slight chance that the recipient will take it the wrong way and react badly.

You can explain, as if speaking to a child, why s/he is not the right person for the job, the one on the receiving end of the rejection may not see nor understand things the way you do, resulting in feeling affronted and there will be cause for confrontation.

I received my second rejection from a potential employer via email. Naturally, I went into a defensive mode. I was annoyed at missing out on another opportunity for a job and upset that the company had not given me a chance to explain myself further with an interview. But then I realised that, contrary to what most people believe (and yes, people actually do think about it after they have gotten rejected), being declined is not the end of the world.

Searching online can result in an overwhelming amount of advice on how to deal with rejection. Tips as far as the search engine results go will provide you with methods and ways on what to do after getting rejected. It might even stump you at some point, and you’ll be left wondering which is the right way to go about it.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way. The only thing you need is time. But I’d also like to give you some insight into how I deal with rejection. It may not be the most scientific way or that it was medically approved. But dealing with rejection is all about what you can do for yourself that you’re most comfortable with.

Allow Yourself to Feel the Emotions

The immediate sensation of someone rejecting you can be devastating, especially since you’ve gone through the trouble of preparing yourself and perfecting your methods. Yet, it seems so easy for that person to say no.

Did s/he even know how difficult it was for you? Do they know how much effort, time and energy you put into the presentation? Did they even stop to think how you’d feel with the rejection? Of course not.

Strange as it might sound to you but here’s what I’m going to say: Let yourself feel upset. Let yourself feel, just for a moment, the disappointment of being turned down. Because we’re all humans and it is normal and natural for us to feel these negative emotions.

Don’t Dwell; Start Moving On

Give yourself some time to adjust and then move on.

Seriously.

The longer you dwell on these feelings, the harder it is for you to get back up. Don’t let the negative thoughts bring you down, and don’t let other people’s opinions affect you.

Always remember to… Inhale! And exhale! Yes, many people often forget to breathe the moment they hit a road block. Fill those lungs with air and let it out. Slowly settle into a meditative state and think about what you can do next.

Remember Successes, Not Failures

Failure is important to spur you on but it is not wise to keep thinking about it. Doing so will only drag you down, deeper into the quicksand and then it will be difficult to get out.

All that you have done in the past, surely there are some things that you have done and deserve a pat on the back for. It is common for people to focus on your failures and bring them up from time to time, but you can always remind them of your successes in life.

Avoid getting defensive, though, as it won’t get you anywhere. Just calmly respond with a nod and say, “Yes, but remember when I did [this] and/or [that]? It was amazing and it went well. Everyone loved it too!”

Otherwise, you can always…

Pick up the phone and call a friend.

Yes, talking about it can help too. You’re not the only one getting rejected. I’m sure your friends would have been in your shoes at some point in their lives. It’s just that some people move on faster than others. But that doesn’t mean you’re hopeless. Sometimes, all you need is someone to talk to.

You can also do things to take your mind off the rejection and chill for a moment. Sleep is good but you can’t do that all the time. You can read a book, play a game, hit the gym, or just Netflix and chill.

As for me, I’m going to do something to take my mind off the rejection email. Now, excuse me while I fire up Skyrim and kill some bandits.

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Conversations with Your Grab Driver.

To you, he may be just a regular Grab driver you hailed on the Grab mobile app. But to him, you’re more than just a passenger. You’re his friend, confidante, therapist and more.

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Photo by Acharaporn Kamornboonyarush from Pexels

Let’s face it. Being a passenger in a car with anyone who doesn’t talk to you is one of the most boring moments of your life. If it’s someone you know, you probably have what I’d call as ‘companionable silence’. You don’t have to talk (much or at all) yet you feel quite content staring out the window instead.

But if you’re a passenger in a cab, you may want to open your mouth and say something. The driver may be a stranger but if your ride back home is a long one, made worse by frequent traffic congestion, you might want to rethink your companionship strategy.

Then again, how often do you use Grab or Uber to get around anyway? Are you the type to hail a cab for the longest journey ever or just to get around the corner?

Whatever it is, how you make up for the time spent sitting next to (or behind) the person whom you’ve paid to ferry you from Point A to Point B is crucial.

I’d strike up a conversation with the dear fellow. But I’d see what sort of person my driver is before talking to him or her. If s/he can only converse in any language other than English, then I’ll spend the rest of my journey resting my eyes.

The Silent Drivers

I’ve had Grab drivers who didn’t talk much. I can tell when someone doesn’t feel like talking or doesn’t want to talk because his ability to speak English is not as good as the next person. If that’s the case, then yes, I’ll be resting my eyes instead.

Although, in my experience as a Grab passenger, I’ve had more male drivers than female drivers, and the male drivers are friendlier and more open to conversations than female drivers.

The Chatty Cathy’s

I’ve also had Grab drivers who won’t stop talking. Some drivers have so much on their minds that they just want to share everything with you; anything and everything under the sky and within the four doors of the vehicle.

But there are the few who’d come up with the most unusual topics of conversation. I say ‘unusual’ because they will turn you into their therapists.

How to Get Your Job Back

One Grab driver had issues with his ex boss and he made haste to resign and leave the company, and then turned to Grab driving because he wasn’t getting any income. As I was currently employed, he sought my advice on how to make peace with his ex boss because he wanted the job back. Not that I had any great advice to give him as I (myself) was going through a rough patch trying to work well with my own boss.

Needless to say, I just told him that compromising is important. Not all bosses head out to torture their employees, and if you think about it, bosses are humans too. They feel the aches and pains of overwhelming stress and pressure. They, too, will stumble and fall at some point. Only the very few can keep it together and not take it out on other people.

I really hope he got his job back.

How to Salvage Your Relationship

But there was one Grab driver, not much older than I am (I’m in my early thirties, by the way), and he was in a really sticky situation. All sorts of scenarios ran through my mind. Was he having problems with his family? Or his job, maybe? Or just the way he felt about being in a country with an ever-increasing cost of living but salaries that remained stagnant?

What he said made me cringe, I’ll be honest with you, because I don’t dole out that kind of advice. He was having relationship problems with a girl and wanted my advice on how to please her.

Me: “Spend time with her, listen to her, be nice to her, her family and friends, and to animals…”
Him: “No, no,” he said. “Nothing of that sort.”

And then it dawned on me that he wanted advice on how to make a woman happy … in bed. Rest assured, he didn’t try any funny tricks with me.

Thankfully, my ride that day was short and the topic hadn’t reared its lustful head until a few minutes away from my destination. I did, however, suggest that he sit down and talk to his partner. Find out what she likes and what she doesn’t like. Find out what tickles her fancy and ticks her off. The keyword here is communication. The same solution as the Grab driver who hastily left his job because of a miscommunication with his ex boss.

I do hope his relationship survived.

The Best of the Rest

Don’t get me wrong, though. There are the decent drivers, and then there are the really amazing ones. I hailed a driver yesterday, a Malay man in his late forties to early fifties. He was retrenched from his job as a factory foreman. He turned to Grab driving for a living. He drove slowly but surely, as if to ensure I was comfortable and not hanging on for dear life. He was a soft-spoken man. He had a great sense of humour. He did not deserve to have a life like this.

Then again, none of us deserve such an unhappy ending. I know how difficult driving for Grab can be. It’s not profitable for the driver and not a pleasant one either. Everyday, you spend hours stuck in massive traffic congestions just to get your passenger from one place to another. Some days, traffic is fine but your passengers are not. You get the horrid ones who are pissed at you for arriving late, not caring that you were stuck in traffic trying to get to them in the first place! You get prank calls and fake hails. You get people who hail you only to cancel their bookings upon your arrival.

I get that. I really do. As he had been one of the few perfect drivers I’ve ever hailed, upon dropping me off at my destination, I gave him a couple of extra ringgit on top of the fare. I told him to drive to the nearest mamak restaurant and have a teh tarik on me. His smile was the biggest and most genuine one I’ve seen all day.

The Perks of Staying with Your Parents.

comfort-comfortable-contemporary-1444424Photo by Lisa Fotios from Pexels.

Whenever my parents go for one of their round-the-world vacations, they usually get me or my sister to stay over and watch the house for them. House-sitting, you know. And unlike baby-sitting, at least I don’t have to mop up after a terrible meal session, change diapers or watch endless reruns of Sesame Street to keep the little one happy.

Nope. All I have to do is stay at home and well, do whatever I want.

No, really, I am doing whatever I want. I get to sleep late, sleep in and wake up late. Oh by the way, I happen to be unemployed at the moment, so yes, my sleeping habits leave much to be desired for now. I guess that goes without saying.

Okay, so I have digressed a little from my topic.

The point is, when you have your own place, you’re bound to be more mindful with how much electricity you’re using, how much water you’re wasting, how much screen time on the television you’re absorbing, etc.

But at your parents’ place, well, I’m not giving you a reason to waste their hard-earned, just-as-hard-saved money… It’s true, though, right? Here I am, blogging on my trusty little laptop, sitting pretty at the round, tempered glass table in the dining area of my parents’ home. With their lights on, their ceiling fan on, while Spartacus plays on Netflix (which I spent five hours bingeing on yesterday on my parents’ couch) in the background. The kettle in the kitchen will whistle in awhile, telling me that the water is boiled and I can then make some decaf. Tonight, I’ll be preparing dinner for myself and my husband with the ingredients from the refrigerator, using the wok on the stove, and the plates and utensils in the drawer.

You can already tell how many things you’re using that aren’t yours. That’s my mum’s dining table, their lights and fans that I’m using, the television that my dad bought, my mum’s kettle in the kitchen, the water that I’m using to make my drinks, do my laundry, and take a shower, the food in the fridge that my mum bought, the wok that she uses to cook for herself and my dad, her plates and utensils that she has been using for many years now.

visiting your parents meme

But wait, I’m not an ungrateful little brat. Nor am I regressing into a lazy teenager either. Hell, no. I’m only using them because my mum said so. It’s also your childhood home anyway. Still, doesn’t it feel great to bum at your parents’ place instead of your own?

Spongebob Squarepants and the Viking Sailor.

When I first saw Bubble Buddy in Episode 6 in Spongebob Squarepants Season Two, I wouldn’t have given much thought to who this Leif Eriksson person could be. I was under the impression that it was a figment of Stephen Hillenburg’s and Tom Kenny’s imagination.

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Image from www.bleedingcool.com.

It’s also pretty hard to take things seriously in Spongebob Squarepants since most of the time, he and his best buddy Patrick Star are always up to mischief. But sometimes, you can let your guard down.

Because in Season Two, Episode 6, Spongebob refers to a special holiday called Leif Eriksson Day, apparently celebrated on the 9th of October.

Well, this is what I found out about Leif Eriksson. How did I know he was a real person? I was reading an old issue of National Geographic History when I stumbled upon the name in one of the stories. And learnt that Leif Eriksson was a Viking sailor in the 10th century who discovered North America and was the first European explorer of the New World.

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Photo credit: Draper White, Getty Images. Statue of Leif Eriksson at Eriksstadir, Iceland, the birthplace of Leif Eriksson.

Leif Eriksson Discovered North America Before It Was Cool!

Did you know that Leif Eriksson was believed to be the first European to reach the North American continent, nearly four centuries before Christopher Coumbus arrived in 1492?

Leif Eriksson was the son of Erik the Red who was the founder of the first European settlement on what is now known as Greenland. Eriksson had sailed to Norway in 1000 A.D. where King Olaf I converted him to Christianity. On his journey back to Greenland, Eriksson had sailed off the course and landed on the North American continent where he explored a region; Vinland was the name he gave as a result of the wild grapes growing in abundance and the general fertility of the land. After spending the winter in Vinland, Eriksson sailed back to Greenland and never returned to North American shores.

Source: History.com.

Spongebob Squarepants’ Favourite Holidays

Happy Leif Eriksson Day (Oct 9) and April Fool’s Day (Apr 1) are two of Spongebob’s favourite holidays.

In Season Two, Episode 6, Spongebob creates a new buddy from a bottle of super bubbly, bubble soap after his friends have gone away for the Leif Eriksson holiday and his neighbour Squidward refuses to entertain him, earning his new buddy the name, Bubble Buddy, which shares the same name to the title of the episode.

In Season One, Episode 38, Spongebob awakes to a wonderful April Fool’s Day. He starts the day by pranking himself and his pet snail Gary. While working at his favourite restaurant, he continues to prank the customers, only for Squidward to pull the king of all pranks, leading to devastating consequences for Spongebob.

Amazing, isn’t it, to learn something new? It was new to me, especially when you learn it from Spongebob Squarepants. There are probably more lessons to learn and more new experiences to enjoy in Nickelodeon’s cartoon series, but today, it is all about the Viking sailor and the October 9 holiday that emits a cry of “Hinga Dinga Durgen!” from good ol’ Spongebob.

The Little Digits We Take For Granted.

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Photo by rawpixel.com from Pexels

No matter how careful you are around the house, no matter how heightened your senses are when you’re navigating the space around your office, no matter how observant you are…

There will always be that very moment when you stub your toe against the bed frame, reverse your heel into the couch or smash your fingers between the sliding doors of your wardrobe.

That last thing was basically what I did to myself last week.

Followed by a howl (even if there isn’t a full moon) or a silent scream (and quite possibly a rain dance as well because why not?).

I’m not alone in this now, am I? I’m sure some of you have had this before, and are ashamed of saying so. Well, don’t be because it’s normal. A smashed finger or stubbed toe is a universally shared experience. Everyone, at some point, will have felt that sharp pain and throbbing when it happens. It doesn’t matter whether you smashed your digits into a table leg, tripped over a crack in the sidewalk or slammed it with the car door. What matters is what happens after that.

If you’ve had this before, this is where you can get some advice. When I smashed the middle finger of my right hand between the sliding doors of my wardrobe, I cradled my hand for a bit while doing that rain dance. It could have been what the weather deities needed for a spot of rain that day. After that was over, I went to the freezer and took out an ice pack. I held the ice pack for a solid few minutes to prevent any swelling.

It was only after that, that I realised we really take our fingers for granted. Not so much of our toes as we can still walk (maybe a little slow and lopsided). But fingers play quite a big role in our lives. If you’re a musician, strumming the guitar or playing the piano can be a real pain (pun intended). If you’re a writer, how you hold your pen depends on which finger you injured. Me? Well, I could hardly hold my cutlery when eating. Texting was a chore. Don’t get me started on showering.

By the way, did you know that in your brain, your big toe and genitals are neighbours? Neither did I but here’s what I found, since we’re on the topic of stubbed toes and other delicate little digits.

According to science and tech writer David DiSalvo in BrainSpin,

Your feet and sex are considered ‘old friends’ in your brain. The somatosensory cortex of your brain receives sensory information from all over the body, and the part of the cortex that receives said input from your feet happens to be adjacent to the area that receives information from your genitals!

This close proximity might explain the foot fetishes some of us experience. Vilayanur Ramachandran, the director of the Center for Brain and Cognition at the University of California, San Diego, theorises that foot fetishes could possibly result from a cross-wiring in the brain between the foot and the genital sensory centers.

Whatever you do, don’t go making out with your feet now, alright?