Do you know what happens when you suddenly stop being busy and productive? Your mind stops being the same. Your body is still active because of the certain activities that require you to be up and about, but your mind becomes idle and you end up shooting blanks.
If you’re like me, retrenched and unemployed (having applied for jobs but are now waiting for replies), staying at home most of the time because you’re sharing a car with your spouse and he or she has taken it to work already, then you will end up with an idle mind.
Some people end up thinking about things they normally don’t think about when they’re busy and on their toes at the office. Tons of emails to reply, schedules to follow, meetings to attend, tasks to clear up, trays to empty before joining the rush hour traffic to go home.
Some people end up thinking about extramarital affairs because they’re at home most of the time and have to deal with works and repairs done on the house. The number of male and female strangers going in and out of the home, tending to your household chores or babysitting your firstborn son, or fixing the kitchen sink, leaky bathroom taps or doing a major renovation on your home. These are the only men and women you’ll be seeing for the next few weeks until you find a job that will finally take you out of the house for good!
And then some people are like me.
I don’t think of having an affair with the workmen (although that seems to be a constant scene in porn videos) while my husband is at work. Because I’m not that kind of person. I don’t want to have anything to do with babysitters because I don’t have children, unless the babysitter is a part-time dancer-cum-stripper like Magic Mike. Thanks, but no, I’m still not that kind of person.
The person that I truly am is someone who starts dreaming about the things that I could have and should have done.
I wanted to be like Peyton Sawyer and own a leather jacket. She looked so badass in one in the One Tree Hill TV series. I wanted to be like Jake Jagielski (the single father in One Tree Hill) and own a pair of canvas Converse sneakers. He looked so cool in them.
Suddenly, I wanted an electronic keyboard. Like the pianist in the Boney M music videos.
The idle mind is at work now.
While watching the Boney M music videos on YouTube with my husband after dinner, I noticed the pianist having a grand ol’ time stabbing away on his electronic keyboard while the lead singer and backup singers had their share of fun and fame upfront with the audience. The way he swayed while keeping his fingers and hands hovering steadily over the black and white keys, the way he made music flow, the way he jived to the tunes… That brought me back to my childhood days when I used to learn how to play the piano.
I used to enjoy learning how to play the piano when I was young. But when I reached Grade 3, I found that I was beginning to lose my interest in it. That was because I used to have a piano teacher who was the pits! Every mistake I made, she rapped my fingers with a plastic ruler. When I wrote the wrong note on my piano exercise book, she rapped the table, circled the error with a red pen, and tossed the book aside as if to show that she was sick of teaching the unteachable. That made me feel sad and useless. My mother soon realised that her daughter came home after each lesson with her head down, quiet and unresponsive. Eventually, we stopped the lessons altogether. Now when I look back to those times, perhaps I could have grown thicker skin and forced myself to finish until Grade 8. Then I would be able to hold piano lessons for others or pursue an education in music, go places and do wonders! See, the idle mind is talking again.
Hmmm, maybe it still isn’t too late to teach myself to play again. After all, I’m sure they have portable electronic keyboards for sale online or I could go to a music store and try them out. Not that I have any skills though, besides stabbing away at a laptop keyboard.
I started browsing through Groupon Malaysia and Lazada Malaysia for good bargains. I began researching on how to buy electronic keyboards for beginners. I started scrolling through websites with keyboard e-chords and music sheets that can help me learn how to play. Oh boy, I did everything desperate drug addicts would do when they needed a fix!
But when I got to bed, I realised that this might just be a passing fancy because I’m not working yet. I’m at home with my daily blogging, reading, and gaming, household chores to do, swimming when the weather is good or pumping iron when the feeling is there.
“Alright,” I thought, “Once I have started working, I will see if I have time to teach myself something new, on top of the daily blogging which will still be there (I hope), the reading and gaming at night before bedtime, the various exercises that I still have to do to keep in shape and stay healthy, and the household chores that will be pushed to weekends because that’s when I have the time to actually do them.“
Unless I can find some time to slot in for personal lessons, I will decide if I still really want to learn to play an electronic keyboard.
What happened last night was a crash course on how the idle mind starts talking when you’re neither busy nor productive.